I’ve been fighting demons in my head.

Here is my latest poem/ spoken word piece. Hope it hits something deep in you:

I need to tell you something.

Something important.

So listen up.

I’ve been fighting demons in my head.

There’s a war waging.

No troops are present.

No battleships.

No fighter jets.

At least not outside.

But within me—

there are nukes dropping.

The whole world is blowing up.

The enemy breaches my walls,

butchering innocents,

taking civilians hostage.

He has no code of ethics.

No laws but his own.

A vicious tyrant.

Bloodthirsty.

Cruel.

An utter savage,

incapable of empathy.

I’ve been fighting demons in my head

You don’t see me struggling—

because I don’t take it out on you.

I don’t scream.

I don’t lose my cool.

You think I have it all together,

that I have everything figured out.

But I’m acting this out on myself—

On my abused body.

My broken self-image.

The crazy shit

I force myself to do

to maybe, just maybe,

finally feel better.

On my plagued mind.

Endless doubt.

Crippling anxiety.

Self-hatred.

The deluded stories I tell myself—

worthless,

undesirable,

shame-filled,

toxic with guilt.

And can I even tell you of my soul’s torment?

My sweet, beautiful soul—

She only wants to be seen,

to be loved,

to be held.

Yet she’s been abandoned,

isolated,

locked in a dark closet,

negated,

violated,

scorned.

And the biggest perpetrator…

is me.

I’m not telling you this

to gain your pity.

I’m not asking you

to fight my battles.

This is my fight.

My demons.

My dragon to slay.

And trust me—

I’m fighting.

But sometimes this war is too much.

Sometimes I want to wave the white flag.

Throw my hands up.

Stop fighting.

Just… give up.

I’m not asking for your encouragement,

your cheap words,

the kind that try to inspire me

to keep trudging forward.

I know you mean well.

But I don’t need that right now.

Sometimes I just need you to know.

To listen.

To hear me when I say:

I may not be on any front lines.

I may not be facing the worst of humanity.

Bullets aren’t flying at me.

I don’t have to take a life.

And yet—

I’ve been fighting demons in my head

I’ve been fighting demons in my head

I’ve been fighting mother fucking, sick, twisted demons in my tortured head.

And they’re still here.