This Is the Shit My Brain Says—And I’m Done Hiding It

Damn.
It’s crazy what my brain says.
That I’m a fraud.
That I’m nothing.
I’m not an artist.
I’m not a creator.
I am a pretender.
I have been fooling all of you.
And truthfully I’m likely not succeeding.
Because no one actually gives a shit.
No one will give a shit.
I don’t have a voice.
I have nothing to offer.
That’s it.
I am a loser.
Destined to be a loser.

That’s the fucking shit my brain says
I’m not looking for sympathy
I’m also not looking to be mocked
I’m just no longer hiding
And frankly I really don’t care how you react
I don’t give a fuck
I’m so over giving a fuck
I’m there if you want what I have to offer
I’m done chasing
I’m fucking done chasing

So I’m just coming out of the shadows
Sharing the shit my brain tells me
The reinforced beliefs it brings to the surface
Whenever I try to break out of my old habits
When I try to own my life
When I try to get big
When I try to lean into openness
To abundance
To true wealth
To happiness
My system fights back
My psyche doesn’t feel safe
It doesn’t know joy
It doesn’t feel secure with the unknown
So it freaks out
And that’s all this is
My brain is just being really mean to me
Trying to get me to retreat
But I won’t retreat
I wont get small
I’m done being small
Fuck that noise
I am here
I am big
I am me
I am open
I am present
I am here
I am fucking alive
Mother fucker I am alive.
I want to live
I want to fucking live

So that’s all I have to say tonight
My brain can be really mean sometimes
And if your brain can be really mean too
Please share about it
Talk about it
Don’t keep it
It doesn’t fucking heart
Sweetheart it doesn’t work

If your brain says horrible things to you too, you’re not alone.
Drop a comment. Send a message. Or just scream it into a pillow.
But don’t keep it quiet.
That’s how shame wins.
And I’m not here to let shame win anymore.

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